


Guide me

by lighthousesoffalsechoices



Series: Sakura Nanase Matsuoka [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Bullying, Homophobia, Implied Mpreg, Other, Sakura Nanase Matsuoka, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 19:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20512163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthousesoffalsechoices/pseuds/lighthousesoffalsechoices
Summary: Makoto will always hate himself for not realizing just how much his nephew was suffering.





	Guide me

Sakura always wondered about his biological parents. He always wondered about their personalities, about their daily lives, their grades in school, the things they liked and what they disliked. His dad told him many things and showed him many pictures and although Sakura loved looking at them and hearing all types of stories from when his dad and his parents were children and teenagers he didn’t like the look his father got everytime he would mention them. His usually warm and loving eyes turned really sad whenever he asked about them.   
Sakura was a curious child but he hated it when that curiosity hurt his family. He didn’t like it when his father was hurt or sad. He didn’t like worrying him and he only wanted him to be happy. So he stopped bringing his parents up, he stopped asking questions and he decided not to wonder anymore about them. 

“Sakura?” His father’s warm voice called from the kitchen “Breakfast’s ready!” 

“Coming!” The boy exclaimed as he stared at a picture in his hand. He smiled a bit “Good morning.” He whispered “I have a big test today. Wish me luck.” He continued speaking. He then sighed deeply and looked down sadly “Dad says you were happy when I was born. I wish I could ask you that. Or him. But I’m worried. He gets sad and I don’t like that.” He looked back at the photo in his hands “Please watch over me.”

“Sakura?” Makoto opened the door just as the child put the picture under his pillow. He stood up and grabbed his backpack. 

“I’m ready now.” He announced before sneaking past his uncle to go downstairs. The man blinked at that and chuckled lightly before looking back at the bed. He gently moved the pillow and grabbed the photograph underneath it. He smiled sadly before putting it back where it was. 

Downstairs, the child was eating his breakfast as he watched the news on the T.V. Makoto went to sit right in front of him. He smiled softly “Good luck on your exam today, Sakura-chan. I know you’ll do good, you’ve been studying hard.”

The boy nodded “It’s not that hard.” He shrugged it off. Makoto chuckled at that. 

“I bet it isn’t for you. How do you think Misaki-kun will do?”

“Not good.” Sakura said “He never studies. Says he only cares about swimming.”

The man sighed deeply at that “I should give him a lecture tomorrow at practice.”

The boy looked up at him and then down at his food.

“He’s really good at swimming though. It makes sense.” 

“He is good.” The man agreed “But studying is very important. Rin and Haru-”

Suddenly Sakura stood up from his chair and grabbed his backpack “I’m ready, I’ll wait in the car.”

“Already?” Makoto stood up and he went to grab his keys when he noticed the boy leaving the house “Wait, Sakura-chan!”

\------------------------------------

“Man that was so hard!” Misaki whined as he rested his arms on his desk. Sakura tilted his head as he turned his body to look at his friend. 

“It was actually really easy. Yamato-sensei covered everything we’ve seen so far. You just didn’t study.”

Misaki pouted “You’re a nerd.”

“I’m not. You need to focus more in class.” Sakura smiled a bit “Lazy.”

“Hey! I’m not lazy! I’m a hard-worker! Just not at this…”

“Lazy.”

“Sakura!” Misaki pouted more and his friend giggled quietly before turning back around to face the blackboard “Don’t ignore me!”

Sakura smiled more but he quickly frowned when he looked at the window and noticed a group of older kids staring at him. They were gathered underneath a tree and were laughing as they pointed at him. The boy quickly looked away. Misaki blinked at that and he looked out as well. He frowned some when he realized those guys were looking at his friend. 

“Nee...Sakura…” He stood up and went to stand right next to the other “Who are they?” He lazily pointed at them and didn’t miss the way he flinched “Do you know them?”

“No.” Sakura quickly replied “I don’t. And stop staring, it’s not nice.”

“They’re the ones staring!” Misaki complained and Sakura sighed.

“Let’s just have lunch. Dad says you have a big competition coming up, you’ll lose if you don’t eat.”

“Hey! I won’t lose!” Misaki’s attention was pulled away from the boys and back to his best friend. He went to grab his own lunch so they could eat together. 

\-------------------------------------

Sakura always loved school. He really enjoyed studying a lot and since he found he was really good at it and that he really liked getting good grades he gave it his all to it. He also really loved choir practice. He really enjoyed singing and he was really happy whenever his father would go to any of his presentations and smile at him with nothing but pride.  
But all this was before those older boys started bothering him and calling him names because apparently singing was too girly and being girly was not okay in their eyes.   
Bruises started showing up all over his body from their beating but they were smart enough not to hit him anywhere people would be able to see. Sakura didn’t know what hurt the most but he did know that he didn’t want to get picked on anymore. He hated the fact that he was already twelve years old and he couldn’t defend himself. He wanted to tell Misaki, he knew that if he did his friend would help him but he also knew that it would only mean that his best friend would get hurt and he didn’t want that to happen.  
So he kept quiet.

“Quit the choir?” Makot blinked at his nephew’s announcement “Why do you want to quit? You love the choir.”

“Not really.” Sakura tried to shrug it off and it only confused the man even more “I don’t like it anymore.”

“But why? You love singing, Sakura.” The man sat down on the couch next to the child.

“Maybe not as much as I thought.” He stood up and grabbed his school supplies from the table “I need to finish some homework.” He said before going to his room. Makoto sighed and he rubbed his face. 

He did notice some changes in his nephew but he didn’t really think too much about that considering the fact that Sakura was going through puberty. He was still kind of small for his age but he was twelve years old already and even his voice was starting to change. But in spite of all the changes that his boy had gone through, he always remained faithful to his love for singing, he had even made some friends at the choir. Things seemed okay but clearly they really weren’t.  
Makoto sighed deeply once more and he stood up from the couch to go over a drawer. He opened it up and grabbed a photo album Nagisa had made back when they were at Iwatobi. It had been a nice graduation gift. Makoto had insisted Haruka to have it but when his best friend died it was one of the few things he had wanted to keep.   
He opened it and went through the pictures.

“Am I doing something wrong, Haru-chan?” He whispered as he stared at a photo of his best friend. Haruka had been staring at the pool with eager eyes as it was taken. Makoto smiled. He always did in spite of the circumstances and the tragic events that followed years later. He would never forget his best friend, he would never forget the love he had once held for him. The same went to Rin.   
This was not how he had envisioned life to become. He would never be able to regret taking responsibility for Sakura, he would never wish for the boy not to have been born. But he really did wish his friends could have stayed alive. They hadn’t deserved to meet such a fate not even a year after having their first baby “Please guide me.” He said quietly as he now stared at a picture of both Haruka and Rin together “I feel so lost...I’m not ready for him to become a teenager. Or keep on growing up.” He chuckled lightly.  
He was really proud of the boy Sakura was. He was hard-working and kind. He liked to think that those were traits he inherited from his parents. He knew because of them that Sakura would have the guts to go against anything and anyone. He would get places, Makoto was sure of that. 

\-----------------------------------

Sakura quit the choir but that didn’t mean anything to anyone. His friends had been confused and even hurt. Some had gotten really angry at him for just leaving them without much of an explanation and he couldn’t really blame them. He knew he would feel mad as well if any other were to suddenly quit. But he couldn’t go on like this, he felt like his father was coming closer and closer each day to find the bruises and he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to his dad. He didn’t understand how anyone could. The few times he had tried he had felt far too guilty to go on with it.  
But again, it served for nothing. He achieved nothing. The bullies only went on with their daily meetings. Some days it was only insults and many others there were punches involved. Sakura didn’t really understand how he had grown used to it all but he quickly learned that humans really can get used to anything, even the bad things, even those things that hurt them and left them wishing to die.   
That was most certainly a new feeling for him.   
He felt really bad at times for hiding things from his father and for letting those bullies destroy him little by little. He would think of his parents everyday and wonder what they would do if they were to be in his situation. His dad always described them as strong people but maybe that was a trait that had skipped them, leaving him only with cowardice and little self preservation.   
He was sure that his parents were really disappointed in him, wherever they were. 

“You’re so mean, Saku-chan!” One of the bullies abrutaly pulled him from his train of thoughts by grabbing him by his collar and slamming him against the locker behind him “You have to pay attention to us!” 

Sakura looked up at him with hard eyes. He did his best to keep them from knowing just how much they have harmed him already. He knew he was weak but he didn’t want to seem weak in front of them. It wasn’t worth it. 

“Answer me, you faggot!” The same boy exclaimed, his disgusting breath invading Sakura’s senses and making him want to vomit.

“You didn’t ask a question.” Sakura said, trying to keep his cool. The boy frowned deeply before smirking and pulling away making the boy fall down onto the ground “Guys...You know what to do...But this time...Let’s not let him forget…”

Sakura’s eyes widened and he could only watch as the three boys surrounded him until he disappeared underneath their bigger bodies. 

He didn’t know how much time it had gone by, his head felt foggy and his body heavy. He whimpered as he felt his bones and muscles aching. Something wet was sliding down his head and he slowly moved his hand up to it. He touched his eyebrow and he hissed at the sudden pain that washed over his whole face.   
They had really done it now. They really got him and he wondered for a moment if he would live through this. He suddenly got really scared and tears started rolling down his blood stained cheeks. 

“H-Help…” He whispered to really no one as he tried to get up “P-Please...dad…”

“Sakura?!” The boy suddenly heard quick footsteps making their way up to him. The boy let himself fall back down on the ground and he could have sworn he started sobbing out of relief “Sakura!” It was Misaki, his best friend was kneeling right next to him and quickly looked at his body to try and assess the damage that had been done to him. The boy then looked up and around desperately to try and find anyone else walking by that could help him help his best friend “Help! Somebody! Please!” He yelled, his voice breaking and echoing all around the locker room. 

Sakura smiled a tiny bit “M-Misaki…”

“It’s okay, Sakura. I-I’ll get you some help. Help!” He went back to yelling and Sakura couldn’t help but want to laugh out loud. His best friend could really make some funny faces, but he knew that sounded really mean considering the circumstances “Sakura?” Misaki’s voice sounded far more too desperate than before as Sakura felt hi eyelids becoming heavier and heavier by the second.

“Sakura!”

\----------------------------------

“Sakura...Sakura…” 

The boy groaned when he heard someone calling out his name from beside him. He took a deep breath and then slowly started opening his eyes. He blinked multiple times so his eyes would get used to the white light in the room. He felt the person next to him stand up and close the curtains.

“Better?” The familiar voice asked softly before going to sit back down where he had been before. Sakura slowly turned his head to stare at him. Makoto smiled both softly and sadly at him. He then went to grab his hand, he held it gently in between his much bigger ones. The boy looked down at those hands and then back at his father’s face “You’re okay now. The doctors day you only have some bad bruising and a nasty cut on your eyebrow. They say your brain is alright and that you can go back home after they run some more tests to make sure you’re okay.” He spoke quietly, his eyes never once leaving his nephew. He caressed the child’s hand with his thumb. Sakura’s eyes filled up with tears and Makoto was quick to shake his head “No, Sakura-chan. Don’t cry.”

“I-I’m so w-weak.”

“You’re the strongest boy I know.” Makoto spoke tenderly in a tone of voice he now only reserved for Sakura “You went through this alone. You’re so young yet you tried dealing with this by yourself. You didn’t want to hurt Misaki-kun by telling him, right?” He tilted his head a bit and smiled sadly “Haru was just like that, you know? He never liked asking for help, he always thought he could deal with things on his own.” He sighed “Out of all the things he was made of. I really wished you didn’t get that from him...I should have seen this coming.” He said softly “I am the one at fault here, Sakura-chan. So don’t cry for my mistakes.” He leaned down to kiss the boy’s forehead, this really helped him calm down although he definitely didn’t agree with the other’s words. He didn’t think this was his fault, he knew his dad did anything he could for him, he knew he only wanted the best for him “I’m so sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most.” He whispered now with new determination “But I promise I will be now. I promise I will solve this. You have nothing to worry about, okay? Nothing at all. You will never have to see those boys again. Let dad take care of this now.”

Sakura choked down a sob and he nodded his head, Makoto’s own eyes filled with tears but he didn’t let them fall, instead he gently wrapped his arms around his child and held him lovingly the best he could. 

“It’s okay, Sakura-chan. I promise it’s all okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. I swear on my life…”

“I’m sorry, d-dad…”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry about.” Makoto whispered softly. After a bit and once he noticed the child had calmed down, he slowly pulled away and smiled as he lifted a big yet gentle hand to cup his nephew’s cheek “Misaki-kun found you. Him and his family have been waiting outside. He refuses to leave until he sees you. Do you think you’re up for it?” 

Sakura sniffled and he nodded. Makoto smiled and then kissed the boy’s forehead again before standing up and going outside. The boy rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and in only just a minute the door suddenly opened again and he was engulfed in a big hug. Sakura hissed in pain but that complaint didn’t seem to have reached Misaki’s ears. He didn’t say anything and just wrapped an arm around his best friend “I’m sorry…”

“Shut up.” Misaki said angrily but he didn’t stop hugging him “Shut up...Shut up…” He then buried his face in the crook his Sakura’s neck.

“Okay…” Sakura whispered as he raised a hand to caress his best friend’s head as he cried silently on his shoulder.   
\-----------------------------

“Thank you, Yuri-san. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Makoto spoke softly over his phone. He was inside his car “And to him.”

“There’s nothing to be grateful for, Coach Tachibana.” The woman replied “They’re both having fun so far. I haven’t seen Misaki so happy ever since this whole thing started.” She sighed deeply.

“I’m sorry about that.” Makoto spoke quietly.

“Oh, it’s okay. Misaki is a good boy. I’m so proud of him. He’s such a good friend.”

“He’s exactly what Sakura needs right now. I’m glad he’s able to distract himself.”

“Of course...I heard those kids will be allowed back to the school...You have sued his parents! How come they are going back?”

Makoto huffed and he got out of the car not before grabbing a bouquet of flowers from the passenger’s seat “I don’t know. But I have contacted my lawyer. And he’s quite smart, I trust him.”

“Ryuugazaki Rei?”

Makoto smiled softly “He’s the best.”

“I heard he’s quite...expensive.”

“He’s the best.” The man insisted “Please don’t worry about it. I just want the best for...For my son.” 

“I know. And if you need anything at all, just let me know. Okay?” The woman spoke gently and Makoto nodded even if she couldn’t see him. 

“I know. Thank you, Yuri-san. I have to go do something now. Please let me know if Sakura needs me at all.”

After saying their goodbyes they both hung up the phone. Makoto put it in his pocket and then looked ahead and started walking. His steps were heavy and slow. He had no rush in getting to where he was going. He knew the place wasn’t really going anywhere.   
On his way there his mind instantly went back to his child and the things he hadn’t been able to see before everything got too far. He knew that dwelling on such thoughts really wouldn’t do any good but he had always been one to punish himself at the smallest mistake. 

And this was the biggest one he had ever made. 

“Haru-chan…” Makoto whispered as he undid the bouquet to leave half of the flowers at a gravestone “Rin…” He did the exact same with the other half and smiled a bit as he sat down cross legged “Maybe this is just peace offering.” He whispered quietly “I know you too must be so mad at me...Especially you, Rin. It’s always been easy to get you angry.” He teased very lightly “He calls me dad...And I love him like my son. I really do but...I’m not a good father.” He shook his head as his eyes filled up with tears “I’m really not. I’m sure you two would have been able to see right through this situation when it started. I don’t know how I couldn’t. I guess I just lack that fatherly instinct you two had so naturally.” He sniffled and rubbed his eyes before looking down “Do you remember that time when we were having lunch together at your apartment and suddenly Haru-chan just rushed out of the room? And it turned out Sakura had a very high fever? I always wondered how you knew. I don’t think I have that in me. No matter how many years I spent with him. I feel I was never meant to be his father, and that’s why I don’t know many things. I hate myself for not being able to realize he was in so much p-pain...H-His body...Oh my...I-I hope you didn’t see that...All those bruises...I-I’m a t-terrible f-father.” He covered his mouth with his hand and then brought his knees close to his chest. His shoulders started trembling as sobs broke through his body “I-I w-wish you were h-here...Y-You’d know what to do.” He coughed a bit and then rubbed his eyes once more before taking some deep breaths to try and calm himself down “But I...I don’t want you here. I’m not a good person, Haru-chan, Rin. Because having you two here w-would mean not h-having him as my son. I-I love him more than anything.” He whispered “But I also miss you two so much.” He smiled a bit “I wish I could s-see you and hug you one last time. But it’s b-been twelve years, I-I know now that’s not happening. No matter how much I want it.” Makoto then got on his knees and he slowly wrapped his arms around both gravestones. He closed his eyes tightly “Please...Give me strength to help him…G-Guide me. Haru-chan, Rin…”


End file.
